Very interesting day today.  There are some family issues that need attention tomorrow on multiple fronts.  In the meantime I’ve got multiple plates full of work that I’ve got to get done for my job.  These sorts of times make me long to go back to school where my time was much more flexible. 

The past year and a half of work have been fairly stressful as I’ve had two back-to-back projects that have had some pretty tight deadlines with many moving parts.  What I’m beginning to realize is that perhaps God actually wants me to have a lot on my plate.  I’d rather not, but maybe this is a way that God is testing me, to see whose strength I will lean on.  As I prepare to go to bed, I don’t know how I will get the things done that I need to get done.  But I still have a job.  And thus far God has enabled me to get the key things done.  Yet it’s still difficult for me to trust that he will do it again.  Because this time it really is too much for me to handle.  And maybe that’s the point.  It is too much for me to handle.  That’s why I need to lean on God.  And so, I will aim to go to bed at a normal time, wake up early, and maximize the time I have tomorrow morning to finish what I need to finish for work, as the bulk of the afternoon will need to be used to address some family issues.

Well, it’s been a rough start to the new year.  I had intentions of managing my time better so that 2009 might be a year of increased productivity for me.  Everything was perfect.  I had looked over my list of goals and was in complete agreement with them and committed to put forth the effort to achieve them.  I even created daily schedules for the workweek, Saturday, and Sunday so that I could better schedule the key routines that serve as the foundation of a life that is not wasted.  My health is good, and I had an optimistic attitude.  But there was just one problem.  Life happened.  The theoretical collapsed into the practical and my plans and schedules and good intentions blew up in my face faster than I could say “Happy New Year”. 

I’m recuperating now.  I’ve just come off a week of work where there were nights that I just slept 3 hrs.  The question that rang in my head was “Why in the hell am I doing this?”.  Maybe I’m still asking this question.  I’m a single guy with no family to take care of, busting my butt, losing sleep, in order to review 100+ page documents so that I can sleep 3hrs to wake up again to review some more 100+ page documents in addition to the 100+ emails that I will receive for the day.  Why?  For what purpose?  Honestly, I’m not fully sure.  I can’t help but think this is a test, like some type of training for bigger things to come.  As if God is saying, “Learn to handle this, and you’ll be able to handle what’s coming”. 

Some would think I’m crazy to be complaining.  I get paid well.  In this economy it’s a blessing just to have work.  I’m very thankful for that.  I could be struggling in many other ways.  And yet, I don’t think my circumstance is any less of a trial.  It is a trial to me precisely because it is trying.  Times like these try my patience and my faith.  Certainly God would want me to have enough time to read his word and do his works, so why would he slam me with so much work?  Maybe I should stop working?

I don’t think that’s the answer.  I think there is a temptation in me to quit when going gets tough.  But that is not what Christ did.  If anyone had the right to complain about circumstances not being fair, it was Jesus.  He really got a raw deal.  He had every right not to be treated the way he was by those who beat and crucified him.  He very well could have quit and decided to make a run for it to Asia.  But he didn’t.  He chose to stay in there even when things were excruciatingly tough.  And he did this by the power of God.  There was a vision that he held to which kept him going.  There was a joy that was set before him, which gave him the strength to persevere in the midst of dire circumstances.  This week was a bad week.  But I’m alive and healthy and my faith is in tact and my optimism is strong.  There will be worse weeks, and I will make it through those as well with my faith and trust in the Lord’s goodness in tact by the same love and grace of God that carried Jesus to and through the cross and ultimately in victory over all that hinders man’s ability to worship God in all his magnificent splendor.