Today when I worked out, I saw this HOT girl. She looked East African. Very attractive. Usually I’m pretty shy, but I thought for her I’d break out of my shyness and say something. But since lust is something that I struggle with, I made a point to not try to stare at her or think of her in a lustful way. I prayed to God that he would guard my heart against lust and that he might provide a way for me to speak to her. So I was hoping that we would “coincidentally” sit next to each other on one of the machines, and then that would be natural enough for me to try to strike up a conversation. Well that didn’t happen. But once I saw her at the drinking fountain and so I realized that I was thirsty, I decided to go get a drink. I politely waited for her to finish her drink hoping that she would make eye contact with me as she turned away from the fountain. When she finished drinking, she turned the opposite way of me, and for a second I thought “Oh well, worth a try”, but as she was turning away, she realized that I was behind her and looked at me. I muttered a “how’z it going” and smiled. And she muttered something similar and smiled back. So there you go. Not much can be said at this point except that I wasn’t completely shut down, which means there is hope. J I hope that I will see her again and that I would have the opportunity to actually talk to her and get to know her name and a little bit of her story.

Anyhow, when it comes to situations like this, it makes me realize how much I long to have a female companion. I definitely desire marriage, though thus far, I haven’t come anywhere close. And so I don’t understand what God is doing, and I get frustrated and perhaps even a little angry. Yet, I cannot fault God. I know that to do so would be foolish. God knows far better what’s best for me and what will bring him the most glory. The difficult part is trusting that. Especially when I see a HOT girl. J Because it seems like my singleness is being brought right up to my face. It’s like I’m hearing there’s a hot girl, and no you can’t be with her. Why? Maybe she’s out of my league? Maybe she’s not Christian? Maybe God wants to keep me single? Whatever the reason, I don’t want to accept it. I want to make something happen, but I haven’t done that yet. I am resolved to follow Christ, no matter how hard the road is. Perhaps there is something that God has planned for me in this season of singleness that would make sense out of my singleness. Right now, it doesn’t really make much sense to me. But though I remain single till the day I die, yet I will trust in him.